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Where’s John Ben-Lushi When You Need Him?

June 1, 2015

I have been stung by bees five times in the last six months, all in the safety of my own yard. The first four were when a neighbor and I were pulling a downed basketball hoop out of my side yard. It had been resting on a log that was home to bees. When my neighbor yelled, “Bees!” I heard, “Jeeze!” as in, man this thing is hard to pull out. My neighbor got the worst of it, with one on the eyelid. Unfortunately, mine were progressive. The first two were upfront about it, stinging right away. The other two had flown in the arm of my t-shirt and were dithering. They eventually stung, but they had to think about it.

Beefore brushing him off, I snapped a picture. No, not really. I stole someone else’s photo who sat through getting stung for a photo. Or it’s a bee selfie.

Saturday’s sting was more forthright. I stuck a metal rake in their home and one took exception. And he was adamant about it. The pain struck in the soft flesh of my upper-arm by the elbow. I hadn’t seen the bees yet, so I said something appropriately inappropriate and looked where it hurt.

The bee was actively shoving his stinger deeper into my arm. First I swept him off, then pulled out the stinger, THEN became aware of an infernal buzzing. Dozens were pouring up from the ruined hive. Fortunately, my legs have brains of their own (I don’t even want to think about where those brains are located). I was moving backward very fast.

John Belushi – The original Killer Bee Used with respect if not permission

Bees, I’ve decided, are the Muslim Extremists of the insect world. They feel threatened or just grumpy and the ardent ones
commit suicide stinging runs. I can just imagine the different drones thinking about it. “You go sting the infidel!” “You go!” “Don’t worry, Reggy will go, he’s fanatical in his faith.” “D’you think he should go alone?” “I’m quiet fond of my stinger. Reggy’s young, no one will miss him.” “Yeah, but…” “OK, fine! We’ll make some noise and look threatening. If Reggy doesn’t turn the infidel away, we’ll all buzz in!”

Having said that, and not to offend, most bees are quite peace loving….

I do enjoy the Greek story about bees, being horribly arrogant and begging the gods for a weapon that would be fierce and frightening. With Greek ennui, the gods granted the bees their wish, but they could only use it once, for the deployment of the weapon would cost them their own life as well as that of their enemy. Or maybe that’s a French parable.

If only spraying pig fat would drive the bees away…

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