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Chocoholics Untie!

May 29, 2015

For what it’s worth, I’m not a chocoholic. I like chocolate, with a fondness for Mars Bars, Crunch Bars, Snickers and Milky Ways, not to mention a former close relationship with Milk Duds, but because I’m afraid of losing teeth, we broke up. And I’m tired of the sugar belly, so I even avoid the candy bars now.

Then there are strange people, like Kathy Morgan, who don’t like chocolate at all. She’s an odd one, but we love her.

So while people such as us aren’t all that concerned about the future scarcity of chocolate, there are some people who will come unglued.

Yes, you heard me right, a chocolate shortage is coming.

It’s all China’s fault.

Seems their population has recently become acquainted with chocolate and they LOVE it. Over the next few years, the market for chocolate is going to triple, while the supply, alas, is dwindling. You’ve already noticed it, I’m sure. The cost of candy bars is skyrocketing. Candy companies are pushing alternatives for the holidays, and smoothie joints are offering “healthy” chocolate substitutes (read: cheaper than real chocolate).  You’ll also notice American chocolate, already gaggy with the amount of paraffin mixed in, is getting worse. Stick a wick in those things and they’ll burn all night.

This must be killing the French. They sneer at our “chocolate” because theirs is real chocolate, no paraffin added (I’ve noticed a horrible truth; if you grow up on crummy tasting stuff, you can’t appreciate the good stuff. French chocolate is too sweet and soft for my gutter taste buds). Their chocolate has a lot more chocolate than ours. Bites to be French.

This is where eschewing the stock market works against me. If you know a shortage is coming what do you do? Buy futures? Short it? Corner the market? Well, not like I have any money to use if I knew how.

Fortunately (or not), Hershey Chocolate Syrup isn’t chocolate. I have that on ice cream, which I’m also giving up, but it’s good to know it’s there…

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