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Organic Food — Please!

October 27, 2014

The chemist in me balks horribly at the words “organic food.”  First, it’s redundant. While not all organic things are food, all food (with the possible exception of Twinkies) is organic. If it doesn’t have carbon in it, it isn’t edible.  I’m well aware that beverages don’t share this distinction, so you don’t hear “organic drink” outside of smoothies, but ALL. FOOD. IS. ORGANIC.

My wife is a germaphobe. If it might not be completely sterile, she isn’t eating it or touching it. While I won’t say germs never killed anyone, everyone who’s reading this survived childhood, so many germs won’t kill you.  I’m not saying don’t be careful, but really, you can touch a fork that someone else brushed with a hand. I’ll admit, I don’t abide by the 5-second rule, but if it falls on the counter, I’ll probably still eat it.

In the same way, many of my friends are GMOaphobes. Genetically-altered corn still has carbon, so it is, by definition Organic Food. Godzilla or King Kong have not sprouted from the feeding troughs of GMO food. Who knows? GMOF may even be good for you.  OK, maybe not, but until so-called “organic food” is as cheap as the GMO stuff, I’m not going to sweat it. That O-Food was grown in dirt, you know.

In fact, I no longer believe in homeopathic stuff. Sure, they may work for other people but “It Works” doesn’t work on me. I am not different pre-wrapped than I am post-wrapped (enough friends have seen great results, I’m just not one of them). Vitamins just color the water, if you know what I mean. Greens don’t make me feel any different. “Minerals” don’t either. The only thing that makes me feel better are my high-blood pressure pills. You know. Chemicals.

With my new Vitabullet, I’ve been making myself smoothies every day, with kale, fruit, yogurt, fruit juice… they taste good, but I feel no different.

Maybe my skin is as tight as it can get, my balances as… balanced as they get. Maybe that “healthy” stuff doesn’t work because I’m already, you know, healthy.

I am well aware, however, that if I drop dead tomorrow, this post is the ultimate irony.

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