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I Don’t Like Road Trips

July 23, 2014

My wife and oldest daughter LOVE road trips.  My youngest daughter and I intensely dislike them.  The older females love to extol their love of this great waste of time and also love to tell how much I don’t.  So I’m going to explain why. This is not complaining, It’s a public service.

I am 6’2″ tall and we won’t discuss my weight.  The only thing more uncomfortable than a car seat for an extended time is an airplane seat.  And perhaps an iron maiden.  I’m a fidgetter.  It’s not that I need a comfortable position, I need dozens of them.  The only one who truly gets me on this is the Genie from Aladdin.  Unlimited transportation power, itty-bitty seating space. 

It’s impossible to get anything accomplished in a car.  I suppose if I didn’t have a thousand things needing my constant attention, I might find just. sitting. there. a joy, but I doubt it.  When not driving I could write on my laptop, except for the lack of space.  I could read my Kindle, but the driver gets offended, and when she doesn’t it makes me want to throw up.

Then there’s my bladder, which shrinks in proportion to how far away a rest stop is.  And rest stop bathrooms.  Those are winning places, and there’s always a old guy in the farthest stall (who actually has a nice bathroom in his Winnebago in the parking lot) trying to hack up a lung. 

Further, most people on a long drive slow down their thought processes, so if you a) ask a good question, plan to wait a few miles before getting an answer, or b) ask one of my notorious stupid questions, expect silence for hundreds of miles.  Did I mention I get impatient on road trips?  

To compensate for discomfort, I buy junk food for the trip.  But then I’m not in the mood to eat it.  Or if I do, it creates garbage.  I hate garbage in my car.  I also despise sand in the car.  Guess where our road trips normally land us?  The beach (my choice, because I like the beach if I don’t have to drive there, or worse, back.)

This last trip was to take my beloved son, who goes either way on a road trip (he likes to drive, but doesn’t like to travel…), back to school.  And then drive home without him.

Oh, and cars break down on long road trips.  Not this time, it’s a new car, but last time, to save a $250 plane ticket, my car broke down requiring $2000 in towing and repair.  But you know that even in a new car, that means you’re rushing the inevitable breakdown into your immediate future.

You wonder why I like Star Trek over Star Wars?  Transporters.  The Millennium Falcon has nothing on site-to-site transport.

One Comment leave one →
  1. dawn permalink
    July 24, 2014 6:23 am

    This is why we need a decent speed rail system in the US. (NOT Amtrak) Imagine a big, roomy booth on a train where you can pull out your laptop and write for a few hours, a restroom just down the hall and a snack bar with decent food. In my perfect world, there’s even a “play” car that’s padded on the inside and stocked with toys for the small passengers.

    Search “transportation of the future” on youtube and you’ll find some really fascinating and innovative ideas for revolutionizing cross-country travel at speeds that rival air travel but use a fraction of the fuel. Of course it doesn’t solve the problem of how to get around once you reach your destination…but it’s still a better option than the two evils available to us now.

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