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New Colors?

July 20, 2012


I was at the Guitar Store with my daughter when we saw a guitar that stood out.  In a bad way.  It was, I think, a new color.  An unidentifiable color.  Charli suggested it was “salmon” but it was too bright for salmon, yet not bright at the same time.

It’s definitely in the pink realm of the spectrum with something jarring added.

Now people are wearing it.  At work today, my boss wore a this-color shirt.  So did a woman in another department.  And a guy in polo shirt.  “It’s pink.”  No, it’s really not.

Pink is light red; red with the brightness and values that make red interesting drained out.  A shade of the former glory of red.  Red is a great color.  My car is red.  I’d say my van is red, too, but since it clashes with my car, it’s maroon or wine or something silly like that.

Women have a billion different colors.  Men only have a few.  Red and pink are different colors because red is great and pink is not.  Red and “maroon” are red because they’re both neat-o colors of red.  Maybe it’s a bandwidth thing.  Women’s color bands are very narrow and plentiful; men’s are very wide and can be counted on two hands with the thumbs left over.

The rainbow was invented by a man.  Okay, no it wasn’t but it could have been.  Women would make it cover the sky with a jillion bands of color and kick Roy B. Giv to the curb.  It would be so big no acronym could be invented to remember the order.

Back to this new color pretending to be pink-ish.  I don’t like it.  It’s confusing.  It’s like trying to make Bill Gates non-nerdish.  (Huh! Spell check likes “nerdish”).

Pink is the color that can be thrown away and forgotten.  Okay, it might look sort-of okay in satin, but that’s all.  When Mary Kay came out with pink Caddies, it was all kinds of wrong (let’s remember the “Pink Cadillac” of the song was not ALL pink, it was black with a pink stripe and that pink stripe was so wrong it took over the car—read the liner notes).  Men wearing pink began the execrable metro-sexual movement.  Traitors.

Dressing up pink is like sugar-coating liver or catering a Marco Rubio fundraiser with Taco Bell.  It’s WRONG!  Just wrong.  Don’t do it. Please.  Pretty please.  Pretty please with a pink bow on top.  Wait, cherry on top. Those are red…


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Charli permalink
    July 20, 2012 1:20 pm

    It had blue in it, or sumfin. And pink with blue is just nasty. By the way, ya got the acronym wrong. 😉

  2. July 20, 2012 2:54 pm

    Aggg, Roy B Giv, isn’t it? Reversing green and blue. Errrg.

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