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Planet of the Debates – Or the Zoo Runs Amok!

August 12, 2011

Raise your hand if you’re disillusioned with politicians!

The 3rd GOP Presidential Debate was just plain awful.  I half expected the candidates to start flinging poo into the audience.

Is this really the best we can do?

The Fox guy with plastic hair began by saying, in essence, “Be real up there.  Please no canned phrases to get applause, let’s hear what you really think.”

He then started with Michelle Bachman (who sounds amazingly like Charity B.) who quickly uttered canned phrases and plastic rhetoric.

I guess we need one pretty candidate.

Which takes us to Rick Santorum, who seemed like the kid too short for the camera trying to jump into frame like that leaping springer spaniel in the SunTrust commercial.  In fact, let’s slide over to the dog metaphor and retire the apes.

Someone obviously told Pawlenty that he came off wimpy in his last debate, so he was the pit bull of the evening, tearing into Bachman and Romney.  Ron Paul, who I do like, was the chihuahua yapping away.  And Gingrich was the junkyard dog biting the hands of those who feed him (Gotcha!).  Bachman was the well groomed poodle who’ll snap if you threaten her (as Pawlenty found out).  Cain was the English Bulldog, happy with his bone (“Solve the Right Problem”).  And Romney was the hound dog asleep on the porch.

Mitt is pissing me off.  He claims to be a leader, but he perches up there with the single thought in his head, “All I have to do is lay low and not do something stupid and I’ve got the nomination.”  He takes no risks except by accident (Corporations are people).  That isn’t leadership, Mitt.  Get off your bones and make some noise!

Pawlenty is better than he presents.  He does have a good record and would probably do a good job.

Bachman… I don’t even know why she’s up there for anything other than the pucker factor.

Cain… really, same thing, but I like the guy.  He’ll be the first one out of the race.

Santorum.  Looks good.  Too whiney “pick me! pick me!”

Paul… doesn’t present well, and “Iran isn’t a threat” while probably true, isn’t going to win him many votes.

Gingrich.  Great ideas when he wasn’t yelling Gotcha.  This guy is smart, would do a great job, and is completely unelectable.

If I forgot one, that speaks volumes.

So, my guess for the GOP nominee?

Gov. Perry.  He announced that morning and wasn’t on the podium.

Some people will say he’s going to remind everyone of Bush and won’t get elected.  I think he’ll remind people of Reagan.  He’s got a showman’s appeal with a sense of humor (none of the others, except Cain, seem to have one).  His record is pretty good.  He’s friends with Ron Paul.  I don’t know much about him, and I’m not saying he should be the nominee, but I think he will be.  A Southerner with a sense of humor against Obama with none.  That should be interesting.

Further, Trevor Larson may have a new career as a Perry impersonator if he can get the accent down and change his hair a little bit.

So who won the debate who was actually there?…. None of the above.   Really, no one impressed me.

It speaks volumes when the guy who wasn’t there wins the debate.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 12, 2011 4:33 pm

    You could have combined this review with the Marmaduke movie that I took the kids to see. It would have worked dog for dog.

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