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Sure I Believe… Wait, Really?

May 17, 2011

You gotta love the disciples. Jesus put it out there for them. Several times he said he had to die and would be resurrected. They weren’t in a crowd or in the midst of busyness, where not hearing would be understandable. They heard him. They understood when he meant. And they believed. With reluctance, but he was vehement about it. “Okay, we get it. We believe you. Pass the bread, please.”

But when it all started to go pear shaped, they forgot. The realism of actually being arrested, tortured, and hung on the cross, though it was exactly what he said would happen, was too much for them. When he did resurrect, they didn’t believe it. Someone took the body. Yeah, that was it. When he appeared to them, it took some convincing for them to accept that he wasn’t a ghost. What had happened to their initial belief? Was it real?

I understand the disciples. Their belief was shallow and airy. It cost nothing to accept the words of Jesus when things were rosy. But in the face of bitter reality? Not so easy then, when everything you used to believe is yelling louder than what you profess to believe.

I love the passages of Jesus appearing to his disciples after the resurrection. Eating with them on the shoreline, chatting with them in sealed room. I know I’m going to need that patience, too. You see, I believe in Jesus with all my heart, but it isn’t my heart that reality assaults. When I look at 2000 years of in-between-time, at bills that aren’t going to be paid (forget about the fact that they always get paid), at the seeming fantasy of defying physics, laws of thermo-dynamics, and empirical “real-ness…” The reconciliation of what I think I know and what I believe is easy in the sunshine… and the twilight seems to be far off… but eventually, besides all the daily ways in which Jesus has patience with me, I must trust in his infinite patience when The Time comes.

And that’s why I love the disciples in all their impulsive, naive, and bewildering ways… because I’m one of them.

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